Calamities of the Mind
by Stormfoedt
Summary: For the time being these are ideas, discontinued and diverse, albeit darker than what I would put in my other short story collection, most of them (unless specified otherwise) written through the eyes of Lucy. Have fun wallowing in my abyssal mind, or visit my drunken memoirs should you wish for lighter entertainment. I do not own Fairy Tail, nor its characters or its storyline.


The snow was beautifully white, falling silently by, enveloping all sharp edges in a soft way that made everything seem harmless. It lulled everyone into believing that all was good. Safe.

Children played in the snow, laughing and tossing around the wonderfully cold stuff that signified winter. The sound of their joy was packed in too, never reaching far, for that is what snow does. It keeps anything from going too far, be it laughter, or pitiful screams for help.

They stopped playing as they saw me, for how could they not? The white purity on the ground, all but untouched since it had just landed, was mixed in with the crimson blood that kept oozing out of open wounds. My breath came in rasping heaves, not reaching far in the wintery weather, but reaching those young ones that stared.

The outside was darkening, they would've been called in for dinner at any moment, yet there they were. Gaping. Not able to do anything, as if the snow had frozen them to the very ground.

* * *

 _He_ was the first one to come storming, for he was our unofficial father. How he knew... I didn't know. Master Makarov halted as his curly boots hit the solidified water, staring at my damaged form as I barely managed to limp myself forward, my usually blonde hair slick with my own blood.

I gave him the look that told him all he needed to know. Something had gone horribly, horribly wrong, and I needed help. And not only me, but the rest of my team as well.

"That's enough, love. You've shown them now, so it's time to head back." a voice whispered in my ear, and I never got to utter my pleas for rescue before I was yanked back to the place that kept me. Back to hell.

And in the wintery world that was Magnolia in the country named Fiore, an old man stood outside his guild, looking at the red residue left behind by one of his children, and had anyone seen his eyes at that point, they surely would've pissed themselves in utter fear.

* * *

"There you go, love. Good job getting there in your condition, eh?" he praised me, and I looked up to stare at him with as much resentment I could come up with in my current mangled state, tired and desperate for the break this man would not give me.

"Now now, don't be rude. You've already done enough by sending that spirit of yours to get your precious Fairy Tail informed. I even let you get that far, so really, you ought to be thanking _me_." he continued, walking around my bloodied form, hanging by my chained arms from the ceiling.

"Where are they?" I repeated my question, not quite able to hide the tremble in my voice. Where were they, the rest of them? Team Natsu. He continued the full round, stopped with his face inches from mine, his hand caressing my black, blue and brown cheek.

"They're dead, love." he said with absolute confidence, and with a voice so calm it almost felt like silk.

"You're lying." I said, and his smile disappeared.

"Still talking back, are we?" and he then hit my cheek so hard that my whole body was sent reeling away, only to dangle my way back to him, guided by my chains and gravity.

"You should learn some _respect!"_ he said, a foot finding its way to my ribcage, sending me for another round.

And again.

And again.

And again to the point where I started coughing up blood.

"Where are they!" I all but shrieked, and started another round.

* * *

TIME PASSING

* * *

Snow. White, beautiful and cooling snow that fell from the skies. They packed sharp edges and all sounds in, creating an illusion of everything being good. Safe.

One after another, tens, then hundreds, then thousands, found their way to my skin, feeling kind and alluring with their ability to numb all my pain, be it physical or emotional. It had been numbing me for a while, slowly packing me in, a white blanket that almost felt warm.

Where was I? Why was I in this place? Since when? And where were everyone else?

* * *

I could feel the warmth of another body. The warmth of another beating heart that thumped blood around and around and around in his body. It was a he, I could tell as much. I even dared to guess who it was. It was his smell, if anything. I had next to no sense of smell compared to Natsu Dragneel, but I had spent enough time around him to kind of just feel it. But what happened? Wasn't he... dead..?

* * *

"So what kind of name would you like to write that down in?" the lady behind the counter asked, smiling politely at me, the customer at this particular hotel.

"Ah, well... Hm..." I said, not really sure what to say there. A name. The woman, though slightly confused, had the grace to just wait patiently while smiling. She had obviously been working here for long enough to not question customers with sudden difficulties remembering their names. I couldn't really blame her. It was late, and I knew that this wasn't the most upstanding area in town.

"I suppose... Gray. Miss Gray." I said, since it was the only thing I could think of. The lady nodded, and I exchanged the small amount of money required for the key to my room.

"Have a nice stay, Miss Gray." the woman said, and I nodded, was on my merry way. I could feel her eyes boring into my back all the way until I rounded the corner and reached the stairs. Up the stairs, until I reached my story, and eventually my room.

It was another village. Just another village with no mages, no magic shops, and nothing to help me contact them. I needed to contact them. Fairy Tail. To tell them that I was not dead. For I knew what grievance any death was to that place.

* * *

I reached the borders to Fiore the very next day, snuck across it somewhere around the crack of dawn, hidden amongst trees and darkness. There was snow then as well. Sharper snow. Less alluring snow. The kind that had partly melted in the sun, and then froze during the night in order to become sharp like blades.

It had been a while, a very long while, since I last entered the kingdom I remembered being born and raised in. A country where magic was commonly used and accepted by its citizens, even if actual mages still remained a minority. It was different in Fiore compared to Bosco, where magic was less... well, just saying it was less might just about cover it.

Less normal. Less accepted.

Now I just needed to find a village, and then a mage with a lacrima. Possibly a job to get me some more money. I was just about broke, and if I wanted to take the train rather than walk, I really needed some money so that I could return to Magnolia within a day or so.

* * *

"Are you kidding me, lass. Magic is hardly common this close to the border to Bosco. You'll have to go farther south for that kind of shop to be financially sustainable." the shopkeeper said, and I sighed. People remained almost frightfully common, and this costume shop was the closest thing to a magic shop as far as I could tell, with its colourful merchandise and chipper looking old shopkeeper.

"Okay, so what about mages? Are there any mages in town, even if it's only temporary? This is a small village, you'd know of most comings and goings, right?" I said, hopefully, but the man just shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but like I said, it's too far north. Clover Town is just ahead, and after that there's nothing." he said, looking at my disappointed almost pout. He sighed, and leaned over the counter.

"What do you need, love? Maybe I can help." he said. I cringed when he called me love, but bit my lip, forcing myself to look back at the man. He was harmless enough. I could probably defeat him barehanded.

"I got a bit off track... for a while. My guild is probably wondering where I am." I explained, dragged a hand through my hair. My long, yet not all that long hair that finally was reaching its former glory.

* * *

FLASHBACK

"You don't need this anymore, love. Not where you're going." he said, his ragged blade scraping against my scalp as blonde locks kept falling to the ground. I was crying, crying in fear, in pain, and in humiliation.

FLASHBACK END

* * *

"So, since you're looking for mages, I might assume you're a mage yourself, eh, lass?" the man said, and I smiled and nodded.

"So what is it that you need, exactly?" he asked.

"I need to get back there. I don't have enough money for the train, but I thought if I could at least get a hold of them on the lacrima..." I said, and he nodded.

"Well, you're unlucky there, because I used to have one of those. Used it to contact my grandchild that lives further south. Unfortunately I broke it just last week." he said. A week?

"Oh." I said, not really able to hide my disappointment.

"BUT, I can't just let a beautiful girl like you down, now can I? I could need some help with organising my stock in the back, and if you agree to help me out I'll give you the money for your fare, alright?" he suggested, and I nodded all to eagerly. The perfect solution. I could be on my way almost right away. I wanted to get home. I _needed_ to get home.

* * *

It sure was colder than I remembered it, winter. So much snow and ice. Was it because I had been so far north? But Magnolia should be nearing now. It should be closing in, and though it was winter, had it always been this... cold?

* * *

FLASHBACK

"Where are they?" I repeated my question, not quite able to hide the tremble in my voice. Where were they, the rest of them? Team Natsu. He continued the full round, stopped with his face inches from mine, his hand caressing my black, blue and brown cheek.

"They're dead, love." he said with absolute confidence, and with a voice so calm it almost felt like silk.

FLASHBACK END

* * *

"I need to get off this train. NOW!" I was panting, trying to tell the conductor to stop the train, while he calmly tried to tell me that he couldn't do that.

"The next station is just around the corner, miss. A few more minutes, and you can get off." he said, and I felt my throat constricting even further as he left to continue his rounds. Don't leave me here. Please don't leave me. I'm scared... to be alone.

* * *

FLASHBACK

"Are you ready to show some respect now, love?" he asked, smile playing in the corner of his mouth.

"Where are they?" I asked, tired and hurting and sleep deprived and scared all at the same time.

"I guess not, then. I'll see you again in an hour, eh? But don't fall asleep on me, or you know what'll happen next" he said, grabbed the one torch that lit up the room, and left, leaving nothing but darkness behind.

FLASHBACK END

* * *

While telling myself repeatedly that I was all but home, I managed to coax myself away from the door, and away from the emergency brake system. I found my way back to the seating area, and curled my legs up against my body, the cool window by my side.

Just a little while longer. A little while... The train stopped, but I managed to resist the urge to storm off the train. This wasn't Magnolia. It was close, but not yet. I hid behind my own knees, careful to keep my breath steady.

"You're in my spot." the voice rang to the innermost part of me, freezing me so thoroughly that I, even if I had wanted to, never could've answered a thing. With a jolt the vehicle was set into motion, sweeping the fellow off his feet and felling him onto my bench, and I couldn't move.

I could hardly breathe. The only thing I felt, would be the tears, hot and salty, streaming down my cooled cheeks, on and on. Never stopping. My body was frozen so much like the scenery outside, and the only things making me alive would be my tears.

I was so scared. So alone. So... helpless.

Yet there he was, lying next to me.

Natsu Dragneel.

* * *

I managed to get us off the train in Magnolia.

Now, like some other maniac, I was on the ground, holding on to his still motion sick form, and sobbing loudly. I could feel him stir, slowly coming to his senses, yet still lying on his back with me sitting next to his body, my head buried somewhere around his stomach.

"I'm... not dead, you know. Why are you crying?" he asked, and I felt him sitting up. I sat up more properly at that. I was probably a mess, my eyes swollen and my hair unkept. My clothes hadn't been washed for a few days, so I probably stunk a good deal too. Through it all, I managed to smile a tear stricken smile like I had done so many times before, and I saw him freeze.

"I'm home." I said, swallowing a sob, only to have a major attack of the hiccups. All the while, the winterscape ran supreme outside the station, just like it had done one year ago, when Team Natsu had gone on a mission that had gone terribly wrong. But as his body thawed, his eyes grew a bitter cold, looking at me like I was the pest itself.

"Get away from me. Get away from this place, or you'll regret it." he said, his voice harsher than the cold winter gales I had endured to get here. And he got up, left me there, sitting on the ground. And I was alone, so very very alone at the train station in a town called Magnolia.

"Are you alright, miss?" a ticket lady asked, seeming worried, only to stop up as she saw my face.

"You'll have to forgive the boy, darling, he's not been 'mself in a while." she continued, and I sniffed, tried to wipe away all my tears. It didn't help much, there were plenty more where they came from.

"I'm fi*hic*ne. I just need to.. check something." I said, sniffed again, and managed to get up on my feet. The hood came up in place, completing my dark robe that already concealed the rest of my body.

"I can recommend some pretty decent hotels, Miss..." she stopped, since she didn't know my name.

"Miss Gray, _apparently_. And I already know the area pretty well." I said, ignored her staring at my grey attire. Why did he react like that? I'd expected rage, but... that was more than that. The woman was new, obviously, or she would've seen why he was so upset. I also sensed that the girl had a bit of a crush on the boy.

* * *

I walked slowly, keeping my eyes on the ground, trying desperately to get my act together. I needed to check on them, and I needed to find out why Natsu had looked at me with such raw pain and hatred. As if he was broken. And if I supposedly died, which I expected after my absence, who else had died?

*They're dead, love*

He'd lied about Natsu Dragneel. Hopefully had he lied about the rest as well.

"It's a fun place, despite the noise." I jumped as I realised that I was standing in front of the doors I had yearned to pass through for so long, and that the person I had borrowed the name from stood next to me, his shirt by his feet. He was the second one on my list, the list counting to four. I smiled beneath my hood, holding back another sob. Gray Fullbuster was safe, or at least as safe as one could regard anyone that were doomed to fight every single day of his life.

He entered before me, and I followed, looking about. The souvenir stand was still up, and the many patrons ever present. Mirajane served in her usual demeanour, followed by her sister that was just earning her stripes, both of them having that sweet smile. The Strauss smile.

I made my way over to one of the tables, seeing Cana by the bar, drinking one of her ever mysterious though probably highly alcoholic beverages, and I saw Happy gobbling on a fish nearby. I sat down.

"Would you like anything?" Kinana asked politely, and I made certain to keep my face out of her view.

"Some fries, please." I said, tried making my voice lower pitched to avoid recognition. Before I was completely certain that everyone were alright, I wanted to just remain like this, anonymous and silent.

"Sure thing." she said, and left to get my order. The tears kept hurting in the corner of my eyes, longing to escape and drip down on the familiar, wooden surface that had endured battle after battle, party after party. Everything in this hall, down to the tiny specks of dust, knew how to overcome all odds just to be here.

"Bring this up to Erza, will you?" a voice called out loudly, the voice of Lisanna Strauss, and I heard the loud confirmation from her audience, Kinana.

"This is yours, isn't it?" she said next, having taken the fries from the other girl that now brought it to me. Before she could take her leave, though, I grabbed her wrist.

"Please..." I whispered, feeling the first drop of salty warmth escape my eye, streaking down my face and finally being soaked up by the wood of the table I was situated at.

"Are you alright, Miss?" Lisanna asked, a bit worried, and perhaps just a tiny bit frightened by the death grip I had around her wrist.

"Team Natsu... are they alright?" I asked, still a whisper, barely audible.

"Team Natsu..?" she said, seeming confused. I sighed, yanked her closer since I had serious issues with words.

"Erza Scarlet. Gray.. Full..buster. Happy. Na..Natsu Dragneel. Are they _alright?_ " I asked, the girl so close that I could hear her whimpering.

"They are, can you let me go?" she said, trying to get her hand free, and I released her, my head lowered to the table as I started sobbing. They were alright. They were alright.

"Are you alright?" it was the soothing voice of the older sister that took over now when the unconsolable stranger finally had broken down in tears. And I followed the road towards being permanently marked as a crazy person when I lunged myself at her, hugging her tightly. And though she probably ought to have tried to distance herself from me, she didn't do that. Instead she hugged me back, slowly patting the top of my still in place hood.

"There, there. What's the matter darling?" she cooed, and I sniffed my way up towards some kind of courage to say it. To say it out loud.

"She needs your help. Lucy Heartfilia needs your help." I snivelled, and finally moved a set of brown eyes to meet the blue ones.


End file.
